Author: Deanna Norris of Earthbound Soul Birth Services
Photo provided by Ian Norris of Ian Norris Photography
One of the
happiest days of your life was when you looked into your newborn child’s eyes.
Squishy face, wrinkly forehead and covered in the vernix that protected him
while growing inside your body. You've spent many countless hours tending to
the needs of this new life. Holding when holding was needed, rocking when
rocking was needed, feeding when feeding was needed.
Although you
have no textbook to guide you while wandering down this winding path of
parenthood, you brave the peaks and valleys with gusto. You savor the moments
of triumph and you learn from the unfortunate moments of regret. As your child
grows and changes physically and developmentally, you also grow and change in
the way you parent. Upon arriving at your child’s first birthday, you almost
feel like you know what you’re doing in this crazy parenting game.
In this great
circle of parenthood, there are always going to be questions. The ones we ask
ourselves in the night while patiently rocking a baby back to sleep and the
ones asked of others, sometimes with an expectant tone or air of judgment. We
can often silence the self-questioning by looking intently at the life we are
leading. We feel good about the answer. We are confident in our ways and
continue to glide seamlessly into that direction. Then there are the other
times, the ones when another’s voice asks the questions. You get this feeling
deep inside your belly and it washes over you like morning fog with doubt
leading the way like Helios on his chariot.
Our culture is
one of achievement. This voraciously applies to children. Society says that our
children should have accomplished any number of things by the time they are approaching
their first birthday.
“Your child
should be standing alone, and may even have taken those first tentative solo
steps…”
“Your child
should be sleeping less during the day and more at night…”
“You can make
the transition from breast milk or formula to cow’s milk…”
Listening to
so-called experts instead of our own paternal intuition most often causes undue
stress and uncertainty. At every stage of your child’s life, there will be some
grand preset guideline that you can look to for insight on when milestones
should be reached. Weighing our child’s milestone against this chart is done
out of curiosity; fear of “abnormal” development and frankly, because it’s
widely available to us.
The checklist
for a 1 year old can be overwhelming, and to some, feel like a countdown to
making their child do things you as the parent do not feel they are ready for.
How daunting it must feel as a parent to look at your beautiful child and think
there could be something developmentally wrong with them because they aren't pinching cheerios by their first birthday.
You begin to wonder if something is developmentally wrong
with your child if they aren't hitting these check points that Google tells you
are normal. Maybe you aren't doing everything you should be as a parent to help
your child hit those milestones? You turn to the Internet for advice. And the
uncertainty spiral begins.
Stepping fully
into parenthood relies on intuition, natural evolution and willingness to make
a mistake from time to time. As parents, it is our duty to react to our
children in a way that is gracious and respectful. Gently listening for and to
their needs and offering to them what we believe in our hearts to be the
answer. Watch your little one for clues on how this offering is received. Did
it fulfill their need or was it something else they required? Make adjustments
when necessary.
The truth is,
parenting a child who has been on this earth 12 months is no different from
parenting a child who has been here for 12 days. They look to you for comfort,
security, nourishment and enjoyment. While it will look different at 12 months
than at 12 days, it really is important to let the process evolve organically.
With every shift in routine, there will be positives and negatives both for you
and your child. Holding space for this to be okay is essential. Trust your
intuition and be gentle with yourself when you don’t get it quite right.
“Earlier is not
better. All children accomplish milestones in their own way, in their own
time.” Magda Gerber
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